


murder

by iloveyoungho2090234



Category: Kpop - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Murder, Violence, idk im fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveyoungho2090234/pseuds/iloveyoungho2090234
Summary: i swear i'm not homicidal, i've just seen a lot of stuff haha





	murder

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i'm not homicidal, i've just seen a lot of stuff haha

it started out with the way i liked his money and luxury. he lived the polished and wild life. bathing in vanity and glory, he somehow looked sunkissed all the time. there was a sort of magic i couldn't grasp or believe in the way he carried himself. he spoke elegantly and quietly. he was never arrogant, which i adored him for, even though he had his titles and earned respect. jaehyun was too far away for me to grab and keep as mine. he had too many things to do and i had a lot of time on my hands. handling gang related business was his life and i just came across him when i interviewed him for this weird magazine. being a freelance writer who's in love with a gangster was just accurate for me. maybe i was born to do that. as stupid as it sounds, i genuinely thought i was born to marry this man. i was so deep in his scents that i knew i could kill for him and so i did. i thought i didn't mean to but then, i had time to think about it and i now know i don't regret an ounce of it.

"i'm sorry baby, i need to go. i'm late. i'll call you later." he whispered into my ear as we were in bed. i remember it was a sunday night at around 10pm. i cried when he left because i knew what he was about to do and i knew in which state he'd come back home.  
i got into the car, the baby blue cadillac he bought me, and followed him to this house. none of the lights were on and i wanted to die right there. how could he do this? a harmless man, asleep in bed with his wife, their three kids sleeping in the room next door with their family dog. i painted this perfect picture of a family with their white picket fence and their golden labrador that i knew would hurt me the most. i watched him get in, his gun in hand, i watched him walk so carelessly. i thought he could never be this nonchalant but there he was walking slowly but with so much confidence, i felt guilty. 

i remembered him the first night we met in the strip club, his white shirt stained with blood, his knuckles rough and maroon, his sloppy smile due to the alcohol and his winces of pain. i saw so much guilt and emptiness in his eyes, it made me feel this rush of adrenaline. i was terrified of him but also so curious, i knew he was going to destroy me but i knew i had to let him in. that night we went to his house, this huge empty manor that gave me chills and i saw the violence. paintings and sculptures showcasing his darkest secrets all for me. my favourite of his was 'atonement' by j edward neill which pictured this skeleton like shadow holding a crow. i thought it looked like him, a skeleton holding a symbol of death in his hand. that exact night, we were strangers but he felt like telling me all about the murders he committed on the same day. the details were so gory i threw up in his bed and he started crying, saying how sorry he was. i cried for him, the way he got himself stuck in those horrible situations and because i knew he'd never want to leave this life he lead. 

jaehyun had told me all about how he used to be homeless and running 'errands' for people just so he could afford a beef jerky. he had told me about this guy who got him into this appartement for free, in exchange of his time and energy. that's when the killing started. it was a choice of killing a man or living in the street and jaehyun did what he was ordered to do. after a few years, at the age of 35 he was handling his own people and had about 25 men to lead and order around like puppies. what was weird about that to me was the way he never used any drugs, he only drank. then i discovered he liked other things, like sex. the number he had told me, over 500, created this pit in my stomach and there i was wanting to puke again. not because i was disgusted by him but because how could i compete with anyone else, let it be 500? he could have better and i thought i didn't belong in his world. i left for a bit, maybe around a year, and went to paris to write. i had always thought i needed to be in love to write stories and that stopped after i met him. in the end, i didn't want to be in love with him or anyone else. i decided that it would be enough to just see what love was in the city where everyone fell in love. what i saw was something i had never seen in my life. 

the night i killed a man, i thought i did what needed to be done. i thought i could leave my guilt behind. i grabbed my gun and went into that house. there was blood all over the walls and i had to hold my breath in at the sight of the man i loved on his knees, covering the bodies. there was a little girl, about 4 years old, in pigtails and pyjamas. i shot him and he deserved it. i could never regret it. i did what needed to be done so now i can be safe from him. farewell to this darkness of a place that ruined the love of my life but shouldn't have. goodbye to the emptiness that killed what i used to be. this is the way god intended me to leave this world.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just bored and sad thanks for reading or wtv


End file.
